Tuesday, April 10, 2007
10/04
I'm so so so...I dunno what word to use to describe the mixed feelings i have now,i just totally feel so devastated,such low marks for tests even though there was a teeny little bit of improvement but that wasn't really significant...Most importantly i disappointed my parents badly enough,furthermore,when i thought of the high hopes my whole family has for me,i really felt like crying,everyone thinks so highly of me,yet now i get this kind of results which an express student taking all these subjects should not be getting...Memories of people being happy for me when i received my results last time,all flashed back,within minutes,I almost broke into tears...I really felt remorseful about what i have been doing since the starting of my secondary school life,everything seems so different from then...I really dunno what to do
And its been a long time since those feelings came,sometimes,this power is so miraculous?..There was once,we were playing some basketball shootings,or you could call it "HORSE",i was on the verge of losing,yet when that name came into my mind,i thought "for her" and miraculously it went in,and i won the whole dumb shit game..everyone there knows that the percentage of me scoring that was so low that its even lesser than 30% yet it went in,i really dunno why...Seldom,when i was doing some strenous exercise,always when i know or could not make it anymore,the name comes to my mind,and i will like overkill and beat the others flat...It's the first time i felt so strongly for someone,but we know nothing's everlasting or maybe i don't even stand a chance at all,just taking all these stuffs to myself,thinking of all those stupid things which won't even happen...And lastly we are like worlds apart,she excels in studies and cca while i suck in both or rather you could call it hopeless,i'm just like a brute,excelling in all those things which demands someone to do physically which are of no use,i feel really..
Just these two days,school was torturing enough for me,everything went so wrong,from what i can see from my math teacher,i can see that he has already given up on me,this was the first time,i gave a teacher such impression,even my sec2 or 1 art teacher didn't even do that even when my artworks were horrendous...Maybe I'm not even trying for my studies,i just dunno
I really look forward to the day when i can be really really happy for once in my secondary school life,i still remember how i felt when i was really happy during my primary school years,that feeling was very very good,
Allen-Dead
And its been a long time since those feelings came,sometimes,this power is so miraculous?..There was once,we were playing some basketball shootings,or you could call it "HORSE",i was on the verge of losing,yet when that name came into my mind,i thought "for her" and miraculously it went in,and i won the whole dumb shit game..everyone there knows that the percentage of me scoring that was so low that its even lesser than 30% yet it went in,i really dunno why...Seldom,when i was doing some strenous exercise,always when i know or could not make it anymore,the name comes to my mind,and i will like overkill and beat the others flat...It's the first time i felt so strongly for someone,but we know nothing's everlasting or maybe i don't even stand a chance at all,just taking all these stuffs to myself,thinking of all those stupid things which won't even happen...And lastly we are like worlds apart,she excels in studies and cca while i suck in both or rather you could call it hopeless,i'm just like a brute,excelling in all those things which demands someone to do physically which are of no use,i feel really..
Just these two days,school was torturing enough for me,everything went so wrong,from what i can see from my math teacher,i can see that he has already given up on me,this was the first time,i gave a teacher such impression,even my sec2 or 1 art teacher didn't even do that even when my artworks were horrendous...Maybe I'm not even trying for my studies,i just dunno
I really look forward to the day when i can be really really happy for once in my secondary school life,i still remember how i felt when i was really happy during my primary school years,that feeling was very very good,
Allen-Dead
i know that i have loved you ... at 9:46 PM
fate crumbled all around 0 identities
fate crumbled all around 0 identities